[29/08/2015] A mournful day

Today is a tiring day. I fought with mom this morning and in the afternoon. There was nothing much to say if it wasn’t because of my reactions when she told me to put my hair down for the photoshoot. Of course, because it was pretty hot, I disagreed and gave her a very unpleasant facial expression. I don’t give a damn care about how I will look on my photos, simply because I don’t really like taking selfies, which is rare at my age. Ugly? No problem, I don’t give a damn care about how I look. OK that doesn’t mean I don’t care about others’, I admit. But who the hell will care about how I look in such a damn photo for my college CV? What I want is people care about how I work, not comment about how I look at school. First of all, I have to say that I completely hate being known at school. A few maybe fine, but too many people,… you won’t know what will happen then. Anyway, along with the popularity is the hatred, which I find really common in universities. I want neither of them, so I’m trying to stay away from them as soon as possible. What can be worse than being famous and separated by people around? I used to be like that many years ago, thought I was definitely not famous. So it’s easy, I’m tired with it. Just trying to lead a normal life back then. So what I wish right now is people leave me alone with what I do and please, stop intefering with my stuffs, seriously.

[28/08/2015] A taste with Starbucks

Well, I am definitely not a coffeeholic. I just drink coffee whenever I want, and the only coffee brand I drink is a domestic Vietnamese brand called Trung Nguyen coffee. It’s popular in Vietnam, and, maybe some other countries as well, though I’m not really sure if even some of my foreign friends know about the brand. Anyway, I only heard about Starbucks when I was still a 16-year-old girl who was curious about the world out there. Starbucks is really famous, of course, for its luxurious, yet wonderful stores, not to mention the drinks and desserts. To be honest, I just want to drink it once to have the taste of the luxury, which I find really hard to get. Up to now, that was the second time I’d drunk coffee at Starbucks. The first time was with my brother and my two cousins who are living abroad. They, of course, have more time and money to go to Starbucks more often than me. The Starbucks store we went to located at a quiet, yet expensive resident. I felt embarrassed when one of my cousins asked me what I usually drank when I went to Starbucks. And because I’d never been there before, what I could answer was I’d never drunk at Starbucks before. And it was too hard for me to choose between dozens of different kinds of coffee: espresso, frappuchino, cappuchino,… At the end, still, one of them chose one for me. It was Caramel Machiatto, if I wasn’t wrong. It was… well, pretty good to me. We sat outside and talked in a while before leaving to the shopping mall.

The second time, well, was at a Starbucks store in Singapore. Wait, what was I doing there? Well, I went abroad with my mom and some of her colleagues. But we didn’t go to Singapore first. We flew to Malaysia, enjoyed three days at Kualar Lumpur and went straight to Singapore. For the rush of time, and my mom didn’t really understand why I like Starbucks so much, as well as how coffee could be that expensive and “tasteless”, she agreed to buy me a medium cup of coffee and a beautiful Starbucks ceramic cup, you know the one used to contain drinks. Anyway the coffee was great, though after that mom and me had to spend all our breakfast on nothing, due to the weird chemical reactions between Starbucks and breakfast, or maybe just because the breakfast at our hotel was not very good. Usually people will post photos of Starbucks up here, but unfortunately I couldn’t really take any of them, due to the rush schedule. Anyway, still got ceramic cups from Starbucks yay!

[23/08/2015] And they never know…

People say I’m an extraordinary girl. I’m shy and I don’t really like the idea of talking with strangers. I can’t really decide between two or more things, which is typical of me. I don’t really like going outside, though I always dream about how cool I will look when I walk into those places. I like staying at home all day in front of my laptop, just to look at all those handsome guys and beautiful girls on the Internet, and daydream about how I will look in the future. I always dream about having a slim, sexy body, meanwhile I eat all day long and do nothing but lying on the couch, and, of course, with my laptop. I talk a lot on Facebook, but I always stay quiet when people talk to me directly out of the Internet. I write blogs whenever I have free time, and most of my posts are in English, meanwhile my mother-tongue is Vietnamese, and though I used to say how I really hated people who don’t like their mother-tongue, or try to speak two or more than their own language in the conversations, I am the one who really like talking in English more than Vietnamese. Even most of my usernames are in English. None of them is in Vietnamese. In my family, only my brother and I talk to each other in English, and the subject that I’m proud the most is also English. I’m a two-faced person who always tries to make myself look friendly in front of others’ eyes.

But they never know…

I’m always lost in my own world. I always have negative thoughts about everything. I was almost bullied and separated when I was still in elementary school and secondary high school because of my “weird and nerd” differences. They made me feel like I was nothing but an ugly b**** in the world. They treated me as if I was no more than an animal. They always tried to get away from me everytime I tried to get along well with them. I used to wish that I would have not been born in this world. I used to think about committing suicide in many ways. I even tried to ask mom why people hated me, and she gave me nothing more than vague answers. When I graduated from secondary school, none of them even cared about where I would study. Four years studying there, I only had one friend to play with, but she left before I graduated. I fell into such great depressions after finishing secondary high school. And I couldn’t believe I cried in the graduation day. I blamed myself the whole day about how I could be such a great liar. But after that I didn’t even remember anything about them. When I first went to high school the first day, everything stayed the same, except one thing that I was known as one of the highest English graders in the whole 10th and 11th grade. Everything stayed the same until I reached grade 12. I became a different person. Getting along well with new people, starting to care more about my studying, staying up late more than ever, and of course, eating more and more. I have to say that I miss my school right now. I really want to go to school to meet friends and teachers. Yeah yeah what they said was right. The high school time was the time I miss the most, mostly because the fun times I had when I was in grade 12. And yes, again, what they said was right, let bygone be bygone. Who knows what they will be when we all grow up? Because I feel uncomfortable about my look, so I start looking at idols and wish that I could be them one day. It’s just that simple. It’s not the dream for me. I don’t have enough courage to do that. I have no talents. I’m just a little girl with little dreams and little hopes. All these things, they will never know…

[21/08/2015] Gần tới đích rồi :)))

Ngày 18/8 nộp hồ sơ vào ĐH Mở. Hôm đấy thì lại không đông lắm. Làm thủ tục nộp hồ sơ mất khoảng nửa tiếng xong về. Nghĩ thầm chắc lại rơi xuống hạng trăm mấy cũng nên :v Về nhà cũng méo thèm coi lại danh sách. Nói chung là trong đầu cứ nghĩ y chang hồi mới thi xong: Kệ cmn đê :v Mà hên là không bị rớt (chắc vậy :))) ) Tự nhiên nghĩ đến viễn cảnh vào đại học, học cả đống thứ ở trỏng, rồi ra trường, còn chưa biết có việc làm hay chưa, một đứa thụ động như mình chắc lại phải nhờ mẹ chống lưng, thấy mà sợ 😐 Trước giờ lúc nào cũng vậy, cái gì không làm được cũng toàn nhờ mẹ. Giờ đến cái đích này thì cũng chẳng biết làm sao. Lúc nào mẹ cũng bảo phải năng động lên, đừng thụ động nữa. Khổ nổi con gái mẹ chỉ thích nằm nhà xem ti vi, lướt net, gõ máy tính lạch cạch thôi mẹ ạ :))) Người ta cuộc đời mà yên bình quá thì đâm ra nhàm chán, rồi thì sau này chết đi thì hối hận đủ thứ. Bản thân mình ngay lúc này, chưa bao giờ cảm thấy hối hận vì bất kì điều gì. Tại sao lại phải hối hận khi bản thân thấy những gì mình làm là đúng và cố gắng theo đuổi? Đại học là một cái đích, cái đích thứ n trong cuộc đời. Đó cũng không hẳn là một chuẩn mực của sự thành công. Học đại học chỉ là để rèn luyện bản thân thôi. Đấy là tôi nghĩ thế, chứ làm thì chưa chắc nghĩ được đến điều đấy, trừ khi nó đã nằm sẵn trong đầu. Dù sao thì đối với một con người thụ động như tôi thì đại học bắt buộc là một cái đích để tiến tới. Nói nôm na là, trong xã hội Việt Nam, không có bằng đại học chi bằng cạp đất mà ăn (bắt chước câu nói của hốt gơ nào đó :))) )

Những gì tôi muốn lảm nhảm chỉ có thế thôi. Nhảm nữa bị đấm vỡ mồm :)))

[12/08/2015] Đêm

Ấy là lúc người ta đã đi ngủ hết rồi mà mình vẫn còn chưa ngủ. Đơn giản là không ngủ được thôi. Nhiều khi muốn tâm sự với ai đấy lúc đêm khuya, mà sợ mình làm phiền người ta… Thế, cứ tự kỉ một mình như thế, cho đến khi không còn việc gì khác để làm, buồn ngủ, rồi tắt máy đi ngủ. Đêm, chỉ đơn giản là bạn, người bạn thân bao nhiêu năm nay, dù có ai bỏ mình thì nó vẫn không chịu bỏ mình, nhất quyết không bỏ mình, dù mình có ghét bỏ nó thế nào đi nữa. Đêm không hẳn là thứ đáng sợ, chỉ là cái cảm giác nhàm chán lặp lại mỗi ngày, sau khi hoàn thành xong mọi thứ, sau khi quá bận rộn để nghĩ vẩn nghĩ vơ, ngồi trong bóng tối, tự nhiên thích suy nghĩ lung tung, rồi lại khóc. Sáng sau thì mọi chuyện lại đâu vào đấy, và nó cứ tiếp diễn như một vòng luẩn quẩn. Không có lối thoát. Nhưng thức đêm cũng không hẳn là không có cái hay ho để làm. Ít ra là khi bạn không ở một mình :v Lời khuyên chân thành: Hãy thức đêm với lũ bạn, và nhớ là đừng ngủ khi chúng nó còn thức. Còn nếu không ai muốn thức khuya với bạn ư? Không sao, vì bạn không chỉ là người duy nhất thức :)) You know what I mean, right? :v Nếu bạn may mắn (xui xẻo) thì bạn sẽ có người bạn đồng hành đáng tin cmn cậy nhất, miễn là bạn đừng nhìn chằm chằm nó, đừng nói chuyện, nói chung là cứ coi như nó không tồn tại đi :v (à mà nó không tồn tại thật :3) Gặp ma cũng là một trải nghiệm thú vị đấy chứ, miễn sao sau đó đừng die là được :))) Mà thú thật thì tôi cũng chưa thấy ma bao giờ, mà thôi tốt nhất là đừng nên thấy 😥 Biết là thức đêm nhiều không tốt cơ mà đi ngủ sớm thì lại méo ngủ được, tự nhiên trong đầu lại nghĩ ra mấy thứ bậy bạ 😐 Được cái thời gian này nướng được, chứ méo biết lên ĐH thì thế nào. Tổ sư mình đã lười thì chớ.

Đùa chứ đêm mà thằng nào con nào p.m FB cho mình chắc có nước đi gặp anh William Cường gấp :v

P.S: Một tối muộn bỗng dưng giở chứng.